Letter to the QAnon group email my father sends me
Where to begin. My father is not a stupid man, but he is an isolated, foolish one. Your frothy paranoid fantasies about the “deep state” has infected his mind and turned him into a dangerous, blustering egomaniac and it’s gotten worse over the past four years.
I hold you and your death cult responsible for my father acting fucking batshit.
He will not shut up about “the Hillary emails.” He’s obsessed with the fantasy that he has a direct connection to Trump and his cronies. Regular conversation with him is impossible. He’s verbally aggressive. He quizzes my teenage nephew about obscure civil war blowhards. He directs his hostility at anyone whom he disagrees with, primarily me, his daughter. He memorized the healthcare reform bill and lectured me about it being socialism for hours one Christmas.
He rants and raves non-stop about bizarre conspiracy theories peddled by you.
In one of your recent emails, you summarized the excellent, classic 1944 film “Gaslight,” a story about intense psychological domestic abuse. Then you twisted the concept of gaslighting to cast Trump supporters as victims of democracy, victims of society and of democratic norms. I’ve noticed this nasty habit of yours: asserting nonsense and massaging the logic to fit your conclusion. Here’s your logic: The abuser, the fascist, the violent white supremacist is the victim is what you’re saying.
That’s gaslighting at its finest. But it is more than that: It’s psychological warfare. Hypocrisy. Mental molestation. And it is making my father and millions like him very sick. I have fact-checked your emails to my father and you’re full of shit. I read them because, unfortunately, he forewords them to his family members in a self-congratulatory stupor as if to say, “Isn’t this clever and true that liberals kill and eat unborn babies?” I’ve read your cracker jack, voter fraud conspiracy theory, seen your carefully curated unfunny memes. I’ve peeped your insane QAnon videos, which are veering creepily towards shabby-ass fox news commercials quality.
I researched your brand of “alternative facts.” You guys are about “controlling the narrative” and don’t give a shit about the value of actual human beings or the concept of truth in a moral sense. Which is sad, considering my mother died from cancer, so the parent I currently have is a civil war cosplay monster whose princess leader is a fascist cheese puff snack made by Frito-Lay.
You need to know my father is as ridiculous as he is dangerous. I’ve counted 14 guns in his home as well as a bomb shelter basement with special lighting installed so he can clean his guns in the privacy of the darkest rainy nights in the Trumpy, suburban forest where he lives. Do you think an 80-year-old lawyer needs 14 guns with a DNA thumbprint security gizmo in a gun cabinet bigger than a NY studio apartment? Who and what will he kill with 14 guns? Lizard people? Pizza Gate people? His daughter? Nancy Pelosi?
I’m scared. Please tell me if my father was with you on Jan 6th. Did you both carry a confederate flag down Pennsylvania avenue? Did you beat a security person that day and drag them down the stairs of the Capitol on their stomach until they stopped moving or did you just watch and grin as the five people died? Did you smear shit on the walls of the inner chambers and crack jokes with my father afterwards? Did “Q” tell you to do that? Do you believe that bashing someone’s head in with a fire extinguisher makes you “very special?”
If I were less of a hardcore queer radical feminist sex worker, I might have more compassion towards what appears to be a self-centered, racist, reactionary backlash from a population who does not recognize the world anymore and feels alienated from the screen-addicted masses with women in positions of power and young folks deciding who and how they wish to express their gender identities in the world.
But I’m not. Fuck you and your carnival of lies. You ate my father’s brain. Now he’s incapable of thinking critically or reasonably. You may say he’s a free agent. You may say he’s always been a tad immoral and you’re right, but your death cult sews hatred and it’s alluring to men who feel small.
America is bleeding. The antidote is fact: Biden won the election fair and square. Let's begin there, in the daring blaze of bright truth.
OMG. I am so sorry. I know you through sex worker organizing and I have admired you from afar. I am so sorry you and so many others have to go through this. It's scary and confusing. I hadn't known that fascism happens this way. Why didn't they teach us more about how it works? I have a long time girlfriend, almost a younger sister, who seems to be like this. I am at a loss, caught between wanting to help and wanting to stay away. Then mainstream culture hasn't caught up with this phenomena... the analysis is so weak out there...You are so courageous anyway, but I wish you extra courage in this. Thanks for writing about it, Antonia.